moving in with mom after dad died

It stayed this way up until very recently, when my dad met his new girlfriend. I never got to really have my father to myself growing up and even more now. I cannot stress how thoroughly unpleasant she is and my Dad has increasingly become. Your choice. i feel as this home has nothing more to offer me and i should just leave it as soon as i can. It sucked having to hear every once in while about the court problem. I dont want him to make a huge mistake. Im lost!!!! Its been a little over 4 years since my mothers death. The problem is, even if the relationship is short-lived the pain it has already caused will not heal. PEOPLE CANT UNDERSTAND WHY I AM SO ANGERY ,THEY THINK ITS ABOUT THE MONEY THAT I WONT IT?COUPLE OF MY BROTHERS ARE ANGRY TOO BUT THE OTHERS ARE GETTING INVOLVED AND SOME GOING WITH DAD.I KNOW I MUST GET ON ,BUT IM SO SAD,I CANT GET NEAR THE PHOTO OF MUM OR VIDEO.I WAS TOLD THE PEOPLE WHO LOOKED AFTER MUM SHOULD GET HER THINGS. If, in all circumstances you ask yourself the question: Is this how my mom would choose for me to be living my life? Can you lay down your unhappiness and anger long enough to understand that we all (even your father who you are unhappy with and have judged) want to be wanted, needed and loved. Focus your energy on creating the kind of life that would be a tribute to your mom.love your children; love your spouse but most of all love yourself the way she would have loved you. I have said from the beginning, my father us a grown man and he can do whatever he wants, but it doesnt mean I have to like it. My heart eyes goes way up every time she messes up our home, bleaching the carpet, breaking things cuz she mindlessly pulls stuff too hard or carelessly. They were married 6 years when Dad died. I can tell you these are things from which you cannot recover even if you are able to forgive. There are people in the U.K who have never worked and who live in what is called council housingwhich would be social housing in the U.S It looked as though he was sleeping, but closer inspection showed white foam dripping from his blue lips. That is not it, I want him to be happy. After a year my sister got a call begging her to pick him up immediately as basically she was kicking him out. I suppose if you married an orphan and there is no family to consider that may seem just fine. And then a few days later, I come home and he invites her without my permission to join us and my friends at a restaurant with live music. We became extremely close with my father and spent countless nights in the living room together playing games. How do I deal with my fathers need to include his new girlfriend in all of our family activities? Now when he truly needs her she is not willing to be there. He always worked or had something to do. I realize that the surviving partner may not be used to being alone and may feel the need to begin dating before the rest of the family is ready but it is important for them to take into consideration how the other family members feel about it if they dont want to damage their current relationships. Its totally ok if you find yourself bawling your eyes out 'for no reason' for the next few months (or even year or two). I was out of town on business. She knew her quite well and really does understand (as much as possible) what we went through. The first person who extended his arms was my ex-boyfriend Nick, who had been there when my dad was first diagnosed seven years prior. If he thinks things will ever be the same he is mistaken.It is not a question of bearing a grudge or of forgiveness. Everyone needs some type of companionship. This disease took her away from me as a wife. The driver of the RV we took was a friend of my wifes and best friends with my wifes oldest sister. Losing both my life, as meetup. I got to my parents house, and noticed that a cupboard that was under the stairs that my dad hadnt cleaned out in 43 years of being married, nor had he looked in , in that same amount of time -was completely empty. It seems strained to me. She just needs a shoulder to cry on and be. He had never been around death until that time, my parents had been married 55 years. Dear Susan Musselwhite, I hear you and I get it. Furthermore, if it had been the other way around (i.e., my dad had died instead of my mom), then I would have actually encouraged my mom to get out and meet someone! I know she doesnt even know what I am going through, as she was never even a mom.. How can she ever begin to be that for me.. Is it even on her radar? I love my dad but it hurts too much to hear him exclaim his great love for this woman at this point. Would I really want to bring more pain to the family and use the excuse that he deserves to be happy as if the girlfriend is the only way a man of 76 could be happy? he expects everything to according to his place with her living and becoming our mother. Your letter reminded me of something On my final fitting for my wedding dress she said Youre not getting married in that dress are you with those spots on your back? How kind to give my confidence such a boost! . I cant say what it is that makes parents cast off their responsibilities towards those left behind but this website is a testament to the fact that they do. She still refuses to get a job and theyre struggling. There is another of them tastefully making outI told him, once again, that this WAS AWKWARD. This is going to take a long time. The worst part is that I cant even say anything because I dont want to embarrass him or start a fight. 3) dad has a girlfriend. My sister feels the relationship started way before we found out about it. for that reason , though I did not like the concept I was prepared to accept my dad having a new partner -shitty timing aside. We have to do things we dont like sometimes.. its like working with someone you think you dont like, you dont just say Im not going to work with them, Im not ready.. nope, you do it , because we have to and a lot of times you end up liking that coworker.. be open , flexible and positive. Im surprised she even waited 18 months before she joined the dating agency. My wife of 14 years committed suicide just over a year ago, leaving me with 4 children ages 12 and under. Inside is immaculate. With all of the holidays, her family comes first and my brother and I and my kids and husband play second fiddle. Brother will also owe the estate or trust, the PRs reasonable attorneys fees. I dealt with this situation head-one and attempted to equip myself with all the information I could. Just a couple weeks after her death I found out that my dad received pictures of Young Filipino women, 3 different women, and on top of that it was from a distant family member whom divorced my aunt and remarried an American Filipino women. I would feel more comfortable with him dating, even if he set up a local profile on eharmony to meet for a date within the large cities he lives by. Does she have good credit, or credit in general? My dad told me after that he didnt want to hurt her feelings or for me to seem so mean and selfish so he told her to do it, not caring or considering how it would upset me as Im about to walk down the aisle on my wedding day. Hi, Since then, my father has been the family rock. I suggested talking it out. Meaghan, when you bend over backwards, you are likely to lose your balance. I just pray so much that the lady he is dating is the woman she says she is and that she and I can find a way to bond over common interests. I am torn between supporting his decision, and speaking honestly: its too soon. The family has been told by word or deed that their pain and suffering is secondary to the new romance. My uncle became an alcoholic in the aftermath of his wife passing so it's something that i'm always very aware of. A woman who he has known from a long time ago. Thanks for an opportunity to vent although in a sense it is 35 years too late! My point is- as we are accepting his new friend- we are not ready to meet her, or allow her to be a part of our family. They can not commit 100% to you. tread lightly and keep your business to yourself and you may find the adult children will come around. Yes thats right 9hours could be more. Boy was she right. He was alright. We have to live it the best we can and not have any regrets later on. God bless you all. He is making a bad choice because he is emotionally vulnerable- although I do not feel that is an excuse. and died that following Monday (we let her go there was a machine breathing for her. So, I dont know why I cant feel the same way about my father. My sister does not like her because she thinks they were going together before my Mom even died, or soon after and kept it a secret. Anyway, no, you should want to start your family somewhere else. Did she ever stop to consider my feelings as well. Chief Distraction Officer was the best role I could play. So i have been living in my parents empty house with all the memories of my mother dealing with everything on my own. He was dating an old friend of my mother. Proizvodi se mogu koristiti kao dopuna postojeoj terapiji. She is disliked because she is thoroughly dislikeable and it is her victims who are worthy of pity. My father died on Thanksgiving night of a heart attack. I am trying to be open minded and accepting if this new lady, but at the same time I feel like my hearts being ripped out when I see him treat her the way he did my Mom. But me and my Dads wife do not get along at all. It sucks she has to work like a normal person but.. tough? I feel that it might be easier to accept the situation if she also took our feelings into consideration and explained to us what she is feeling/needing and how the situation changed so drastically within just a few weeks time. I never realized how much paperwork you have to do when someone dies. I only would like some acceptance and respect. Of course, you are taking the risk that there will be a family split and you will get the blame. Losing a Parent I cant lie to my dad about my feelings so I just tell him how it is. Both sons are married, one lives locally and one is in another state. Truly let go of anger, regret, fear and sadness anything holding you down. It literally felt like a foreign body that antibodies were trying to flush out. The only thing that has gotten me through these years have been that I feel her presence still with me and her telling me that I should focus on my family and not let things get me down. I think whether I gave my dad back what my mom gave me or not, Id still be dealing with a jerk. On Thanksgiving they go to her brothers and his wifes house to eat and I assume they go there on Easter as well. A therapist sounds like it could help, but I know theres no changing my dads mind or attitude about anything. He used to return my calls and now that is no longer the case. The sooner the better. I just hope that you could open your mind to someone new in your life that it is not trying to replace your mother or father. I would be happy to chat privately Ive just set up an email address for solely this purpose at ellasisland-at-yahoo-co-uk (Ive replaced the @ and the .s so the address isnt picked up by automated software, youll need to change them back to email me). We have not been ready to and now i feel like we are forced to whether we are ready or not cause she is moving in.am i just over reacting? What Im also seeing, and what I feel about my own situation, is that, the bottom line is there is a lack of respect, sensitivity and compassion for those whove also lost that person by either both, or the dad or the new woman. For me this is not a game but it seems to be for him. I have no desire to be alone and lonely in my older years and neither does he. Your father says talking with women online makes him feel better. Im in such a state. . After her funeral he was really short and didnt want to stay in town. My mom died Nov. 22, 2008 and one of her friends that gave remarks at the funeral is now pursuing my Dad. Then we get an email from our dad on new policies of his home,on what we can do and cant do, to what bathroom you can use that is another story in itself. All the time my husband and I spent with my parents is with with this new girlfriend. There was a lot more than that. I have felt exactly the same way weird even down to the comments- but it is my mom that accessed a dating site 3 1/2 months after my stepdad for 25 years passed suddenly and unexpectedly. You spoke my thoughts exactly! needing someone to soothe his hurts. WHEN my father died just over three years ago both my mother and I went through a rough time, as we missed him badly. We are not trying to move me in the family home, nor is marriage even being discussed. This lola lady died last summer. I cant sit back and watch. my mother had a dying wish for her ashes to be dispersed of in a specific manor and there was a plan to do this but now it has changed and i belive its because of new plans my father has made with his new girlfriend. I have to tell you that although Britain is a first world country there are many people who see the U.S as a golden ticket. after I flat out told him Im not comfortable with that, and I dont know if Ill ever be. So, long story short, mom died two years ago, dad took up with at 16 months, dad had a heart attack one year ago, and has now moved in with the GF. We all are just about as happy as we make our mind up to be. It. A few months later, my first relationship ended and I was very sick for three months with Mono. I just dont know what to do. Please someone tell me if Im wrong. This is how involved she is with her family. 7 Ways to Help a Parent Who Has Lost a Spouse She would show him her new necklace or have him smell his perfume (not on her wrist) right in front of me. Within 2 months before my grandfather passed away. I requested that she be called by her first name. My Mom passed away on July 21, 2011 from a long battle with colon cancer that ended up returning and metastasizing all over her body after one short period of remission. But I hope she comes out of it. My mother wasnt cold in the grave! It really does feel like you lose your father once he starts dating again. My mom died in 2005 and my dad went on a date 3 weeks later. She is very social and loved the friendships she made there and the daily opportunity to connect with others and the group activities offered. So I guess that is the short version of my story. I was blaitantly lied to and now i feel like the family outcast, Im never invited to anything they do, and dont fit in. Her words to me: your Dad is with me and my family now, your gonna lose your Dad, hes going to pick me over you and at my daughters wedding Im dancing with your Dad, you cant. Dad and I always had a great relationship, lunch, golf, fishing, talks on the phone. Amen, Jodi! documentaries Jan. 30, 2023. He was very sick for a long time before he died with cancer. His response about this has been so offensive that is has resulted in some family members wanting to not have any further contact with him. Dad has us get rid of Moms clothes the very weekend of her funeral. Any girlfriends or new wives that are allowing their involvement to tear apart a family are also wrong and very selfish. Thanks so much for thoughts that I can easily transfer to my classes. She herself, had to stand by and watch her own father (my grandfather) remarry only six months after my grandmother passed away. Who does this to a man? That night was his last, as they all shut down, one by one. I didnt feel resentment anymore, and it helped that the lady hes seeing is a lovely classy lady who I am quite fond of, and this doesnt feel like an intrusion into my family, the way it used to. However, my moms health took a turn for the worse. My mom had a disability in her legs for as long as I can remember and as she got older, it got worse and she got to the point of not being able to walk. She got taken to the hospital and the doctors said it was a very bad cellulitis infection that was curable. Unfortunately I still care about my dad. I get so mad when he threatens me! He drops everything for her,he sits all afternoon with her oap pal,has tea or dinner with them,we were lucky if we had 1 meal a week with dad at table. Your email address will not be published. I believe that I am a good, caring person who loves their father and only want the best for them, if they only will give me a chance. Well the evening ended, said to my husband on the way home I know where my moms ROLEX watch is he says on the new wife wristOMG I wasnt seeing things, I told my middle sister so the next time we saw them she took a look and yup, I was rightShe is still wearing it to this day and that just makes me sick We had a big argument a little over a year ago and hurtful words and letters were exchanged. As I said, we barely knew each other. It seems more like she is having a party instead of respecting my fathers memory. Dear All, WebThe first. Not to mention a cancer scare for him and other illnesses that have had him hospitalized. He has brought her to birthdays for our grandkids and kids. I am, and have been, nothing but respectful to their home and family. She lives about 20 minutes away and unlike my father, still drives. She has a daughter the same age as my daughter who she surrendered to Child and Family Services because the girl was molested by her (the moms) ex-boyfriend and his son over a period of several years. My dad does not listen to my feelings and simply does not seem to care. For me I didnt like the idea of this woman but was prepared to accept her into my life. Its still uncomfortable being with them, I think perhaps if hed waited lo get, it would have been easier. . He said, Absolutely not. I was raised with 2 moms who spent their lives together for 50 years together my mothers adopted us me and my eldest sister my mom who acted as the father type in our family died 2018. Our widow and her melatonin at times both my heart issues. Where is her income? After about two months, when I did actually want people to ask about my dad and to check in on me, I felt deeply sad that everyone had seemingly moved onand I was left painfully alone. The way she broke the news to me shocking, although I put two and two together before she actually told me. They were awesome and always treat me with great respect. First of all, I told him he wasn't allowed to spend much time alone for the first two weeks or so. and this is the reason these men get away with this there is a chance that you could just sit back and the situation will resolve itself, this relationship fails, he gets hurt, he learns his lesson, and never does it again. Think of this before you jump into another involvement. The love that you have for your spouse and your children will never change. I don't know if it helps, but if you do ever want to just spout out, feel free to PM me. Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post. For him, its not good enough that we have a nice relationship with her he wants us to be one big, happy, loving family. He just doesnt get it.. So why am I finding it so difficult? Im and always had been very very close to my parents, especially my mom. He marries another old family friend. My father passed away in the spring of 2008 after being married to my mom for 40 years. I realise it is a long time ago for you. I really hate that as my Mom worked hard to help my Dad build that home. Innocence can never be restored completely even with effort and determination. You cant reward him with private visits with his grandchildren while he ignores his own daughter. You should talk to a local I hope for your fathers and your sake that you can work this out, because to lose a daughters love is something that is unimaginable so I wish you the best. I just miss how my family used to be and having someone I my life that doesnt judge me and loved me unconditionally. We understand that he will cultivate other friendships and relationships in his life. I would NEVER dream of discussing my sex life with him. I hope that when the end comes I can finally move on. In my case so far all my teenage and adult life. I do love my mother and it hurts me and my sister when she says she would rather have dads buddies or the neightbors come to help her instead of having us over. But for you being a young widow I think its astounding how you understand both sides of love and death now and like you said you can date and love someone again while at the same time never forgetting your first husband. They deserve to be happy. My mother passed away from cancer in 2007. Unfortunately my dad (47M) died in result of the pandemic in the end of 2020. The problem is most likely with yourselfit almost always is, you know. I am also dealing with the situation of my father being remarried after my Mom passed away. WowI really feel your pain. Now he has found a lady friend, a very nice woman his age and of the catholic faith like him. She seemed nice enough. After Dad died, my older brother, and i am 26 years old family. He told me during the conversation months before my wedding that he expects us to love his wife just as much as we love him. No soon after my mom passed, my mothers 1st cousin started coming around. I only visit their home when the AC is not home, but I hope to be able to build a relationship with the AC over the next few to several months. I was raised after my brother passed away at 26, that you can not expect someone to remain alone in life and to support them in their choices. I would make sure to talk about my This is a tough time, since you are grieving and also trying to help someone else who is grieving. Some conditions won't hold up in court -- a requirement that you break the law, for instance -- but if your parents give you ownership of the home as long as you let your sibling live there rent-free, you might have to let her. And they honestly dont have to answer to anyone but the man upstairs. I know! Her and I had a petty argument on something so stupid. Its really a nightmare. Some of you expressed concern about the relationships being too soon, and I agree with some of you, but especially men that depended completely n their wives, have been married for a long time dont want to be alone. So, please continue to allow yourself your grief, but also proactively seek the healing support from others and also through new experiences. Her death, while so very difficult to deal with of course, was not a surprise for any of us. The relationship may well blow over. I would say she is a sociopath and she will go to great lengths to get what she wants and who gets run over in the process she does not care. Just won the divorce seem to be near to an end, my mother passed away unexpectedly from an aneurysm. Don't help anymore than you feel you must. But i'm sorry about him dating is it doesn't mean that void. Its all about her family and that is what hurts. Everybody has to eat, and it is an intimate exchange. She was diagnosed in 1999 and suffered through 4 years of chemo treatments and finally succumbed to the disease. We both had spouses that die under the terrible cancer disease. On the contrary he thinks that he owes her because she moved and sold her house on retirement to live with him. The loss is still immensely painful. He draws a proverbial line in the sand at times and lets me know there will be a vile atmosphere if I dare ask questions. The complete opposite. I told him hes wrong for that. I was extremely happy, but the same probably couldnt be said for him. I am 16 year old boy. That appears to be his wish. I certainly dont want to run his life. John Pete, certified grief counselor and founder of MyGriefSpace.Net, responds: Hello Heather: Please accept my sincere condolences for the loss for your mother. I am just not comfortable with that nor will I ever be. While you want your father to find happiness and companionship, it also feels threatening to the memory of your mother, and an intrusion to your family unit as it was. I lost my mother in 1995, i was 14 years old. Most of the adult children of parents who are dating after a reasonable amount of time of the passing of a spouse, are in a mode of it is all about me and not about my parent. done. Everything went fine and there really wasnt much that stood out about her and part of me was happy that he found someone to spend time with. I felt that Dad was not supportive & after my mom death He drifted further . It also seems that he loves, respects, and wants your approval in the biggest way. My question. She used to visit her sister, and when my dad was out, they would talk. My mom has lived on her own since my dad died in 2017, first in a seniors retirement community, now in her own condo. A big man he was 64 and he was like a big teddy bear. I felt silly for assuming that I would upset her if I reminded her of her dada person who, of course, was never far from her mind. You lost someone too. My mom passed away quickly from a rare cancer 2 months ago. Then I found out that meant his girlfriend took over his bills and other household tasks as well. Through time she will heal, just help guide her there. Its not my job to maintain her. My husband was witnessing all of this at work but hadnt been told of this new shop until the day before it was due to open. She just needs a little help with the deposit and setting up furniture, and then she'll be able to take over cleaning and dusting on a daily basis without you. We maintain the house, pay all the bills and its our home. The reality of all this is I cant let them watch the baby bc he is physically incapable and she is drugged up all the time. He implied he has begun a relationship with her. Dad started dating Stepmother #1 who happened to be my mothers best friend immediately (if not before my mom died). It felt like he was choosing her over his family. . Is the number one destination for online dating with more I believe in family values. But she likes shopping because it gets her out of the condo and provides her with daily human contact. Another website I just left everyone was telling me to grow up, stop being selfish and thats her personnel affair. Its like Im an afterthought. You probably do not have. I thought I would be happier, but Im not. By Thanksgiving time he was insisting that we invite the friend to the family dinner as well or he would not attend. Sending sympathy for your loss and your distress x, Hi Sonia, Hello my. As I said, I had not had time to even grieve my Mother and I felt like some people were trying to push me into being this womans daughter! She and my dad were married for over 54 years and had the picture of a beautiful, loving marriage, one that any couple would aspire to have. When my dad passed away he made it clear he wanted my aunt (who had been his caregiver) to have his house. We had no problems with this arrangement You better believe it did. Your counsellors attitude is beyond comprehension! We never built a very close relationship while my mother was alive, but now that she's gone we find ourselves calling each other constantly. You think your Dads behavior is bizare. Surround yourself with a solid community, and find people who will talk you through this kind of stuff, or willing to just talk about the utterly mundane. So, no, I cannot open a line of communication with her right now, maybe not ever. HEAD OVER HEELS in love, even now. Im an only child so hes all I have besides my husband and my daughter. Wasnt she due a little more respect than this? Needless to say, hes been talking exclusively with one woman who is from the UK and is about six years older than I am. I said I needed time since I was still grieving the loss of my mother. When he moved in with her she did not even have a grab rail put in for the shower. She was an exceptional cook, kept a spotless house, and was his best friend. Everyone is going on with their lives, this hasnt stopped.. online dates have been had by middle daughter, engagement for youngest and motherhood for the oldest all 3 have lives they are still living, and my boyfriend is so happy and proud for all of them, he loves them all. Virginia I can really relate to a lot of what you wrote. I went next. . Their union spanned 30 years and they have an adult child. she is like a dog marking her territory. Move Should I send death certificate to this son? I will leave you with a beautiful bible passage At the time I told him I thought it was too soon, but he kept going on about time and would it make a difference if it were a year or two. I put him off saying how about a rain check. This is all about you not wanting to be alone, because he did not have enough time to understand his grief nor did any of the other family members.

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